Chapter 4

I went home and got straight into bed. I turned on the tv to get my mind off of everything, but I couldn’t find anything. Everything reminded me of him, or of hockey, or of medicine, which all led me back to him. The worst of it was I was probably the last thing on his mind.

I woke up the next morning from a night of about four hours of sleep. I didn’t bother eating, I wasn’t hungry. Everything just seemed to be dark and grey, nothing exciting was going on.

“Jules?” Ally asked.
“Yes?” I said looking up from my laptop.
“I think you need to talk to him”
“Don’t start” I said looking back to my computer.
“If you can barely be near him why are you still working there?”
“I’m leaving after the season, I’m sure I could find another job somewhere”
She just sighed.
“I know what I’m doing” I said.

The next day they had an afternoon game against Philadelphia. Kris wasn’t playing, obviously, he was out for a couple weeks at least, I knew it would kill him not to be out there.

The game went well, they won 4-2. I occasionally would look up to the box and see Kris sitting there. I knew I had to talk to him, I needed some questions answered.

I finished up and went to clean myself up. I walked out of the washroom and down the hall to see Kris standing in the doorway of the dressing room, like he was waiting for me.

“We need to talk” I said.
“Yah I know” he replied.
“Where does this all leave us?” I asked
He just shrugged.
I just sighed. “Do you have any feelings for me at all?” I asked.
“No” he quickly said.

My heart sunk at that very moment.

“Then why did you kiss me?” I asked quietly.
“It was in the moment” he said.
“So no feelings at all?” I said.
He just shook his head.
“Julie, I have a girlfriend” he said.

My heart sank as far as it could sink.

“Well I guess that settles it then” I said, “Maybe I should just leave now”
“You’re leaving?” he asked.
“Kris, you know as well as I do I can’t stay here”
“You don’t have to leave, I mean, we can just keep our distance or be --”
“Don’t say friends” I said, “I can barely be near you”
“Why?” he asked, he sounded frustrated.
“Because I love you, but yet I know nothing about you” I said.
“Love?” he said quietly.
“See?”
“But…”
“Don’t bother, it may hurt to leave, but it doesn’t hurt near as much sitting here wondering whether I can ever be yours”
“Julie, I --”
“Kris! You comin or what?!” I heard Jordan Staal yell from around the corner.
“In a minute!” he yelled, still frustrated. He kept his eyes on me.
“You know what? Go. I’m not waiting for you anymore. You have someone, and I’m leaving, plus, you don’t feel the same way, you made that clear. Good luck Kris. I hope everything works out with your girlfriend and you’re career”
I started to walk away when I heard him say my name.
“Julie!” he said.
I hesitated and turned around and just looked at him.
“I’ll miss you”
I gently sighed and nodded once.

I went and told who needed to be told that I had to get out of this job now. Not in two weeks, now.

A couple days later I had all my things packed up and I was out of there. As I came out of the arena I saw Kris. I walked by him slowly without looking at him. I felt him watch me all the way to my car.

I climbed in and watched as he quickly ran over. I put down my window.

“What?” I asked.
“Come with me” he asked.
“You know I can’t”
“You don’t work for them anymore, you can”
“Kris, you have someone, you know I can’t”
“What if I told you I was leaving her”
“Not because of me?” I asked in shock.
“No, it’s not because of you” he laughed, “It’s because of me”
I just sighed, “no funny business”

We hung out and talked all night. I learned so much about him, so much I never knew before. I’m pretty sure I fell more in love with him then ever, but something still didn’t feel right.

I woke up on his couch and he was asleep on the chair. I threw a pillow at him and he jumped up. I just laughed.

“Thanks” he laughed.
“You’re welcome” I smiled proudly.
He threw a pillow back.
“You did not just do that” I said.
“What if I did?” he asked.
I threw it back to him.
“This is childish” I said getting up.
I saw him smirk as I went into the kitchen. I felt the pillow hit my back and then two hands grab my sides. I screamed and jumped to face him. “Not cool!” I said.
He just laughed as I stuck my tongue out at him.



I sighed as I looked at the time.
“I need to go” I said grabbing my stuff.
He just looked down.
“So this is goodbye?” he asked.
“Yah” I said.
“Where are you headed?” he asked.
“I don’t know, wherever I can”
“Well, I hope to see you again soon”
“Keep in touch?” I said writing down my number.
He looked down at it. “Definitely”.

I opened the door and turned around.
“See you around” I smiled.
He nodded.
I went to shut the door behind me when he stopped me.
“What?” I said.
He just looked at me and smiled.
“What?” I said again.
“I’m going to miss you. Standing behind me on the bench, staring”
I just felt my face get red.
“I never stared” I said scoffing.
He just looked at me and I laughed.
“Maybe some” I said. He just smirked.
“Bye Kris”
He put his hands on my cheeks and I put my hand on his. He gently kissed my forehead.
“Bye Jules”
I just inhaled slowly and nodded.

When I heard the door shut behind me my eyes welled up with tears. I was kicking myself for not going back, but I knew I couldn’t. The two of us would never work out. I am going to be leaving Pittsburgh, going who knows where, he would be all over the place and so would I, what’s the point? But leaving him, hurt more, I actually felt my heart breaking.